Comedy Draft #3 – A Spanish Affair



  1. Professor Alvarez : Age 50. An absent minded but brilliant scientist
  2. Mrs Conchita Alvarez : Wife of professor (she is concerned that the Professor is too busy with work and that the passion is going out of their marriage)
  3. Elizabeth (Lizzie) : His daughter early 20. Fathers pet – rival with brother
  4. Alberto Alvares: 18 Son of professor – Mothers pet – rival with sister
  5. Mr Conrado Morales: Rival academic who wants to steal Professors formula and inventions. He is a dominating and disagreeable person.
  6. Mrs Benita Morales: Social butterfly and snob – wife of Conrado Morales
  7. Mrs Dominga Bradbury: President of Town Committee. A self serving wannabe politician. This is a bossy boots character who is hilarious when inflamed with passion with Conrad.
  8. Diego: Assistant to the professor (Age 25-35) – Sly and two faced he betrays the professor but is caught up comically in his own web
  9. Esther: Housemaid in the Alvarez household – Naive and silly parlour maid she is a bit hysterical when she stresses out
  10. Gaspar: Butler in the Alvarez household – the brains that runs an otherwise completely dysfunctional family



Scene 1: (Professors Laboratory) / Study

Professor Alvarez is hard at work in his laboratory. Diego his assistant is helping around the room. They discuss the work the professor is working on for the Government – the secret plans for Atomic Interlocution – something of immense benefit and potentially coveted by rival powers. Diego says The professor as inventor may be covered in glory, but the professor is not interested in cheap populism. In the conversation Diegos desire for more recognition comes out. He is tired of living in the Professors shadow. Professor dismisses Diego. Gaspar comes into the laboratory to remind the professor that he should be getting ready for dinner since some guests are expected. Professor has forgotten completely and Gaspar has to remind him of who is coming. Professor dislikes his dinner guests but he has to put on appearances. Gaspar organises to get some stuff cleaned out of the lab (maybe empty cups and plates) by sending for the maid Esther, and also arranges to send in Professors wife to help him decide to dress. Gaspar exits. Esther and Mrs Alvarez enters. Mrs Alvarez is surprised that professor is not at all ready. Conversation circles around family issues and how father favours the daughter and mother favours the son. Mrs Alvarez dismisses Esther. Discussion between husband and wife continues in a mildy romantic fashion. At one point she complains of the strong smell of chemicals in the lab and reaches for a bottle of spray on the table. Professor quickly grabs it off her and tells her and the audience that it contains a formula that he is working on – its a potion which notches up feelings of sexual passion when it is sprayed on a person. Unfortunately it has not been perfected and certainly not tested on any humans yet. Some description is given of amazing results when tried out on guinea pigs.

They exit stage to get ready for the dinner.

Scene 2: The Party

Gaspar & Esther is making ready for the dinner and having small talk. Joined by Alberto and Lizzie who begin to quarrel when it is interrupted by the doorbell ringing and the arrival of Mr & Mrs Conrad Morales. Over dinner which is served by Gaspar and Esther the conversation is barbed with hostility. Anyway after dinner they are interrupted by Diego who says an important experiment is at a critical point. The professor excuses himself. Diego is held back for a private conversation by Conrad. The wives have already exited the stage on some other pretext. Maybe to admire the embrodoiry curtains in the parlour done by Conchita. Conrad plays cleverly on Diegos weakness and insecurities and makes him agree to stealing the Professors diaries and notes. He says he will come back the next morning to collect them. He will pretend to have given Diego a book and come to collect it back. Gives Diego his pocket diary. Gaspar overhears the end of the conversation and suspects something is afoot. The Morales husband and wife then leaves. Professor is still in his laboratory. Conchita and Gaspar sees the guests off. They all retire to bed.

Scene 3: The Robbery

It is night time in the professors laboratory. The professor and Diego are working together. Esther brings them coffee. Diego drugs the coffee. The professor collapses unconcious. While falling down professor knocks over some chemicals. Diego steals the formula. Esther returns to collect the cups and teapot. Esther complains of strong smells in the laboratory and unknowingly picks up bottle of X which is hidden in  a ordinary deodarant aerosol. The result upon Diego is extraordinary. He is overcome with passion and starts to chase Esther around the room. The panic stricken Esther starts screaming. Others including Gaspar, Lizzie and Alberto rush in and subdue Diego who is incoherent. Esther collapses and is removed. They find the professor unconcious. They try to revive him but he is fast asleep for 24 hours. Very puzzled they dont know what is going on. They put it down to everyone having too much to drink at the party.

Scene 4: The Morning After

Its morning at the professors household. Lizzie and Conchita are sipping tea. Esther is up and about – but quite subdued. Alberto wakes up late complaining of a headache. Conchita is expecting in fact dreading the arrival of Mrs Dominga Bradbury the president of the local community council who wants to get Conchitas help in organising the fete fundraiser. The doorbell rings and Gaspar announces Mrs Bradbury. A funny conversation takes place between Mrs Bradbury / Conchita / Lizzie. Lizzie goes off to see if the Professor has woken up. Conrado Morales and his wife arrives unanounced. Conrad has come as per his plan to collect the secret plans that he has paid Diego to steal. He is told of Diegos strange illness and that he is delirous. Diego makes a dramatic entry. He is completely nuts and talks gibberish. The side effects of the potion is acting on him now. Conrad notices the diary sticking out of Diegos pocket and grabs it. He quickly checks to see that some the professors notes have been ripped out of his diary and stuck into his notebook.  Realising he is in a bad situation Conrado tries to bluff his way out of it. No one else has figured out what Conrad is up to – except Gaspar who is suspicous. They invite him to stay for a cup of tea. While having a cup of tea  Diego farts loudly. S0meone grabs the aerosol with X and sprays. This time both Mrs Bradbury and Conrado Morales are affected. They start serenading their passion for each other loudly with total disregard for everyone else present. Benita Morales is gob smacked. She cant believe that her husband a pillar of society is openly wanting to make love to the formidable Mrs Bradbury who is another pillar in society. In the middle of all this Gaspar switches Conrado’s diary for another book that looks the same. Conrad and Mrs Bradbury exit the scene – they are carefree lovebirds – followed by Mrs Benita Morales who is cursing them loudly and threatening all sorts of terrible revenge.

Enter the Professor, who has recovered from the effects of his drugging. He realises that his precious plans have been stolen. He fears all is lost that Conrado has made off with the secret plans but no Gaspar has saved the day again by switching diaries. Alberto returns and sees his father is recovered. A bumble bee enters the room through the open window. Pandemonium ensues. Alberto tries to save the situation by spraying the bug with X. Succeeds in spraying the Professor and Conchita. They break into a waltz – joined in by Albert & Lizzie. The spastic Diego also joins in comically with Esther.

Gaspar ends with the words All is well that ends well.


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